Makita "Peeler"
May 2005- May 2010
This is my 2nd R&R home from Afghanistan, and its not going as well as we hoped. We were looking forward to a happy time, with some work and chores the first week, and rest and relaxation the second week. But by the second day of arriving home, my favorite cat, Makita (yes, like the power tool) disappeared from the house. The depth of my grief has surprised me, and is making this time at home very hard....nothing seems right...and as soon as I stop being busy, grief swarms up to fill the void. It makes "relaxing and enjoying my R&R" difficult at best, I am not in the mood to participate in most of the activities one would expect to do during an R&R at home. I am taking the loss very, very hard, and my family is having an equally hard time understanding. And we are a family of people who are close to our pets, but this is hitting me with an intensity I did not expect. And for the life of me, I can't seem to frame the right words to help my family understand how hard this hits me...the house does not seem the same...the missing presence of one pet makes the whole house seem very different to me now, and I know that is hard for my family to understand, as they have been without me for months and are managing to cope.
I can only guess that losing Makita is affecting me so much because it was completely unexpected. We have an older cat, Duchess, who was a gift from me to my wife, and Duchess is putting up a valiant battle against skin cancer. It has claimed both her ears, but our vet assures us she is not in pain, and as long as she seems happy and pain-free, we will do what we can to provide for her. I was glad that Duchess still seems to be getting around well, and is feisty as ever, and I was glad for a chance to "say goodbye" once more, in the event the cancer takes her while I am overseas. I am prepared to lose Duchess, or even one of our other cats that are over 10 years of age, or that are primarily "outside" cats, because of the dangers that go with a feline pet being outside in a rural area, as we live in. I was not prepared to lose Makita, and it is affecting me deeply.
Makita had this little habit of insisting that she be in the bathroom when I was taking a shower, and she would "talk" to me while the shower curtain was pulled, and greet me loudly when I finally opened the curtain to step out and finish drying. Perhaps she was concerned about how I was dealing with that water? And she loved to chase a laser light, and would get agitated when you would ask the sentence "Where is it?", as that was a key phrase we used when playing with her with the laser...you could say "Where is it?" and she would start checking the floor, walls, and ceiling looking for the laser dot...and then look at you with irritation if it did not appear.
I miss Makita very much, I have even filed a lost animal report with the animal shelter, and still find myself getting up in the middle of the night at the slightest noise to check and see if she has shown back up. The fact that I really don't know what happened to her, other than she is gone, haunts me, particularly at night, and its only been a week since she was last seen. This summer would have marked the 5th year Makita would have spent in "her place" in our bedroom at night, asleep at my feet...and if I had a foot out from beneath the covers, she would always end up with a paw touching my foot...its probably my imagination, but I would like to think that "her human" meant something to her, like she meant something to me.
Makita came into our lives after being rescued as a tiny stray kitten my son found at his school, and soon became part of the family, and very dear to me over the years. And she obviously was bothered when I was away in Afghanistan, as my family conveyed to me. I got to see her just twice on the first two days home, and she appeared to be very happy to see me. I wish I knew what took her away, as I have a hard time believing she left on her own with me home after being away for months.
I can only hope that her trip across "The Rainbow Bridge" did not involve much pain or suffering, I find myself feeling a great sense of guilt and anguish because I don't know what happened to her.
Makita, you will be missed very, very much.
